Ain’t never been there,but the brochure looks nice

(Numbers chapters 13 and 14)

They selected one from each clan
to achieve Yahweh’s plan
to go locate the Promise Land.

After forty nights and days
They returned amazed.
They returned surprised.
This place was better than advertised.

However, there was one problem.
“Oh we hate to be contrarians
When we stand next to the barbarians
We’re barely as tall as their left nut.”

From the Judah tribe,
Caleb said, “Let’s go in! I feel God’s vibe.”
Instead the former slaves had a fit,
“We’re going back to Egypt!”

Joshua and Caleb appealed one more time.
“Stop acting like being brave is a crime.
Stop being afraid.
With God, this will be a parade.”

The minority report was rejected.
Rocks suitable for stoning were selected.
Then guess who busts in to meet the nation?
Yes, the original Godfather doesn’t need an invitation.

“You made Me come down from My Kingdom,
Because you don’t understand the concept of freedom.
Moses, I ain’t joking!
I AM ready to some serious smoting!”

Moses said to the Omnipotent,
“Yahweh, The infidels will shout:
“That god of Israel is incompetent!
Freed his people and then let everything go south!””

The Supreme Being reconsidered.
“ OK. This is My command:
No one
except the kin of Caleb and the son of Nun
will enter Graceland.

They will all die in the wilderness.
For 40 years
Lost will be their address.”

Moses relayed the announcement.
After hearing this, the refugees began to lament,
“We’re the Chosen, not the Exiled,
God can’t treat us like a red headed stepchild!”

And before the sunrise
Much to Moses’ surprise.
Some of them got on the plateau
and said “We ready to go!”

“You just don’t get it, don’t you?
God is not with you!
I’m not coming aboard,
You are all gonna die by the sword!”

They ignored the advice
They left saying,
“We’ll call you when we reach Paradise.”

You know the rest of the tale.
It was worse than being in the belly of a whale.
Blood spilled from
and finally stopping
at exit 45
in Hormah.