Parable of Barry Bonds

(Sunday School lesson)
1 Corinthians 12:18-19
But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them,
as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be?

Imagine there was a mad scientist.
And he could clone a person if he could get
a hold of some money.

He went to a major league owner of a baseball team
and said he could deliver 25
Barry Bonds to him by opening day.
His fee -Fifty-five million dollars.
The owner blinded by greed agreed to the deal
and fired the entire roster.

And on opening day, the mad alchemist brought his
carbon copies to the ball park.
The Bonds gave a great exhibition of batting practice
with balls traveling in excess of 500 feet.

The owner gladly filled out and signed
over the check to the mad scientist.

"How about watching the game from my private box?"

"No, I gotta get to the bank before it closes."

"Alrighty, thanks again."

And just before game time, the manager ran up to
the owners box.

"Boss, we got trouble."

"Whadda you mean "we got trouble ?"

"All of them want to play left field.
None them can pitch,
wear catcher's gear,
play on the left side of the infield
not to mention the bench warmers."

"What's their problem?"

"They all are sitting in this big recliner in front of the
60 inch screen TV in the clubhouse."

"Who are you calling, Boss?"

"Hello, This Mr. Steinbrenner. Has someone come and
cashed a 55 million dollar check this afternoon?"

"O.K., thank you."
"Well Joe, it's gonna be a long season."

Moral of the story: We all can't be superstars,
but with our individual talents
together with Jesus
we can shine.

Do you hear what I hear?

Luke 8:4-8 (Parable of the Soils)

When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear,
let him hear.”


Inside our souls
there are four chambers
where God’s word can reside.

In one part
God expected a praise,
Instead He heard the phrase:
“One of these days,”
or even worse:
“No puedo hablar inglés.”

There is another section
that once had God’s affection.
But now
all He hears about are
issues of fear, gossip and recession.

The third segment
started out like they were glory bound
only to run aground.
They blamed some bad weed
for causing them to not take heed.
O Lord, say a prayer for the pretender,
They couldda been a contender.

The last delegation
follows the Creator’s wishes
without procrastination.
They do not become weary in working out
their salvation,
and the harvest they bring in
is beyond all earthly calculation.

Meditations on Matthew 25:14-30

(The parable of the talents)

Once upon a time,
There was a man who committed a crime
of burying his master’s dollars and dimes.

And when the master returned
and asked for his treasure,
the servant gave it to him
measure for measure.
The boss screamed, “Where is my return?!?!”
The servant mumbled,
“Preserving what I got was my concern,
along with your reputation of being so stern.”

Not surprisingly, he was fired for incompetence.
therefore he couldn’t get a letter of reference.
And now he’s doing without a health plan
No dentist for the gnashing,
No shrink for the crying man.