Would I lie to You?

Matthew 4:1-11 (Temptation of Jesus)

“Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
--Homer Simpson

After a baptism
that approached apocalypticism,
I saw my chance
for Him
to lose His blissfulness
out there in the wilderness.

Twice I started my pitch with the facade
“If you are the Son of God,”
He didn’t fall for any of that bologna
Instead He quoted Deuter-o-nomy.

That caused me to lose my cool,
Because scripture is my best deceiving tool.

I recklessly offered Him the whole plantation
(I even threw in the ocean)
The simple asking price of this temptation
Give me Your total devotion.

He laughed and requested the title deed,
As He viewed my sorry attack as mediocre
Yeah, I know
His daddy is the world’s biggest broker.

He again quoted Scripture
and asked me to depart.
Now I gotta work
on His disciples
if I’m going to break His heart.

Meditation on Revelation 20:2-3

2 He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. 3 He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended.


Perhaps the reason
God threw Satan down in the hole
for a season
was love and not control.

Maybe it was the Almighty’s intent
was for Satan to repent.
To let go of his dream of domination
and to accept the gift of Salvation.

Because if you believe God’s love is infinite
then there’s no way He can quit
even on the angel
from Hell.

Afterlife

(Matthew 18:1-4; 22:30/Mark 3:33-35/John 3:3)

Will Jane know Aunt Mary?
That reunion could be kind of scary.
Chairman Mao in Paradise would be a bigger surprise,
Than to see them together after my earthly demise.

Will Johnny talk to Grandpa?
And will Pa kiss Ma?
Will Dan recognize his ex-wife?
I kind of doubt it in the afterlife.

Heaven is the ultimate fresh start-
No more memos, not even a pie chart.
No one has an earthly past.
Yeah, you can’t even remember that bomb blast.

Everyone’s a stranger,
Yet no one is in danger.
Jesus is our common friend,
“Come to the feast!” His invitation extends.

Will Paul tell what happened at Damascus?
Can I ask Tiger who’s his favorite porn actress?
Will Dan say hello to his fourth wife?
I kind of doubt it in the afterlife.

Ten Commandments

There is one God. All others are pagan.
His name is not Buddha,Shiva,Oprah or Reagan.

This one God demands His glory to be the highest.
Only worship Him from New York to Budapest.

This one God hates those who continually curse Him
with their breath.
His Law states those who do
will be put to death. [1]

The Lord could see man developing hypertension,
So the Sabbath was His life saving invention.

The previous four commands relate to the Father
The next six are for our sisters and brothers.

God placed you in your parents care,
so you can learn how to live, love and share.

Choose life’s promise and not death’s grave.
Jesus died so all may be saved.

Honor all relationships including your mate,
Involve the prodigal as well as the cheapskate.

Goods should not be smuggled,
as well as books should not be juggled.

May dishonesty abate,
With everyone speaking freely without words of hate.

If want is confused with need,
The result will be definitely Greed.

There is one more given from Above:
Jesus said: “Love, love, love!” [2]

Notes:
1- Lev 24:16
2 -Mark 12:30-31

King James Pet

(Numbers 23:22; 24:8, Job 39:9-10; Psalms 29:6, 92:10 KJV)

If you ever want a little fun
ask someone
who thinks the King James Bible
is the only one for the meek and humble.
This question -
“Do you believe in unicorns?”

He’ll probably retort
that you’re probably low a quart.
“Unicorns are just scribbles
in little girls’ journals.”

“Oh,” I said
“I think unicorns were one of God’s favorites.
Maybe even the Holy Spirit’s!”

He was incensed
because blasphemy he was against.
He slammed his Bible on the table,
“OK , show me in here, if you’re able.

I opened up to Psalm 92
and read verse ten :
"But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn:
I shall be anointed with fresh oil."

He didn’t share my mirth
“You know that poets use images
that do not exist on this earth.
How about a more credible message?
I ‘ll settle for Jesus
or even the prophet Amos.”

I opened up to Job 39:9-10
“Will God do, my friend?”

[God said to Job:]
9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow?
or will he harrow the valleys after thee?

“ Do you believe in them?” he mumbled.
“I would, but they’re not in my Bible,” I replied.
He answered:
“Maybe you should,
Since they were one of God’s favorites.
Maybe even the Holy Spirit’s!”

Parable of Barry Bonds

(Sunday School lesson)
1 Corinthians 12:18-19
But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them,
as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be?

Imagine there was a mad scientist.
And he could clone a person if he could get
a hold of some money.

He went to a major league owner of a baseball team
and said he could deliver 25
Barry Bonds to him by opening day.
His fee -Fifty-five million dollars.
The owner blinded by greed agreed to the deal
and fired the entire roster.

And on opening day, the mad alchemist brought his
carbon copies to the ball park.
The Bonds gave a great exhibition of batting practice
with balls traveling in excess of 500 feet.

The owner gladly filled out and signed
over the check to the mad scientist.

"How about watching the game from my private box?"

"No, I gotta get to the bank before it closes."

"Alrighty, thanks again."

And just before game time, the manager ran up to
the owners box.

"Boss, we got trouble."

"Whadda you mean "we got trouble ?"

"All of them want to play left field.
None them can pitch,
wear catcher's gear,
play on the left side of the infield
not to mention the bench warmers."

"What's their problem?"

"They all are sitting in this big recliner in front of the
60 inch screen TV in the clubhouse."

"Who are you calling, Boss?"

"Hello, This Mr. Steinbrenner. Has someone come and
cashed a 55 million dollar check this afternoon?"

"O.K., thank you."
"Well Joe, it's gonna be a long season."

Moral of the story: We all can't be superstars,
but with our individual talents
together with Jesus
we can shine.

No Vacancy

Mark 8:17 “Are your hearts too hard to take it in?”

How Jesus hates when I turn on the no vacancy sign
on in my heart.

He walks up to the front desk, asks for His suite and
I tell him His room has been taken .

"By whom?", He asks.

"Work, family, my possessions, my sinfulness and
a couple of other things I rather not mention in public."

"But I had a reservation for the best room you got."

"Sorry , I got a smoking room next to the elevator.
Will that do until I can sort things out?"

But Jesus had already started to leave, muttering
under His breath, "Just like Bethlehem.".

And these are the last words He said to me before he left,

"We're going to have to talk about this."

Holy Week Checklist

(Mark 14, Matthew 26,Luke 22)

Anger the leaders of My religion.
You know the ones that condone selling a dove.
(when it’s really a pigeon.)
Check.

Get blessed with an expensive ointment.
May she always be remembered for this event.
(much to My disciples’ disappointment.)
Check.

Gotta find Me a betrayer,
I hate to think who could be My slayer.
(Thank you Satan, for finding the player.)
Check.

Found the room and the food for the Passover meal.
Unleavened bread and wine for two cups apiece is ideal.
(Not to mention the lamb is already on the grill.)
Check.

Told the Twelve remember this meal always.
“For the bread is My body and the wine is My blood,” I prayed.
(For this Last Supper will be known as the Holy Thursday.)
Check.

Explained to Peter that he would deny Me times three.
He said “I’ll never desert you.” and the rest agreed.
(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)
Check.

Went to the garden to pray three times about the upcoming task.
Each time, three of my crew fainted and crashed.
(After the third time, I was checking for a flask.)
Check.

Patience for meeting Pilate, Herod and Caiaphas.
My words have no meaning to these upper classes.
(And boy, what a trio of horse’s asses!)
Check.

May each writer record what I left on their heart.
For My final words as I depart.
(That will keep theologians from getting too smart!)
Check.

Oh, I make this checklist and forget something essential.
I need a tomb for my burial.
And as I told My disciples both harshly and gentle:
“Remember it’s only a three day rental! ”

Some in the crowd could be heard mumbling aloud

Mark 12

Jesus told a parable
on how a vineyard was run
and how it cost the owner the life of his son.
The father pledged retaliation
To avenge his son as well as recapture the plantation.
After hearing this, some in the crowd
Could be heard mumbling aloud
“This Jesus is a terrorist against the Administration.”

Jesus was asked a question,
“Should we pay taxes to the oppression?”
Jesus always being broke
Asked for a coin from the folk.
Then He asked “Whose face is on this bling?”
All replied, “ You know- the king!”
Then Jesus finished by being wise:
“Give the kings their due
The earthly and well as the One in Paradise. “
After hearing this, some in the crowd
Could be heard mumbling aloud
“Ooooh, playing the God card- very nice!”

Jesus warned how the Temple was a money racket
Then what He saw next made Him nearly blow a gasket
A poor widow dropped in all her wealth into the basket
He thought:
“Why isn’t the Temple looking after her welfare!”
After seeing this, some in the crowd
Could be heard mumbling aloud
“Did He just say she gave more than a millionaire?”

Meditation on Matthew 5:1-10

(Beatitudes)

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
“For they are just unworthy servants;
who have only done their duty.” [1]


Blessed are those who mourn,
For they believe:
“whoever lives and believes in Me
will never die.”[2]


Blessed are the meek
For they will be told :
“Well done, good and faithful servant!”[3]


Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
for righteousness,
For they will hear:
“For when you took care of
the least of your brothers,
You did it for Me.”[4]

Blessed are the merciful,
For they know that
The Lord their God is a merciful God. [5]



Blessed are the pure in heart,
For their treasure is
protected by their love.[6]


Blessed are the peacemakers,
For the blameless and upright
will not be destroyed. [7]


Blessed are those who are persecuted
for their faith,
May they remember that:
“The man who formerly persecuted us
is now preaching the faith
he once tried to destroy."[8]


Notes
1- Luke 17:10 (NIV)
2- John 11:26 (NIV)
3- Matthew 25:23 (NIV)
4- Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
5- Deut. 4:31 (NIV)
6- Luke 12:34 (Paraphrase)
7- Psalm 37:37-38 (NIV/Adapted)
8- Galatians 1:23 (NIV)

Easter prayer

Stare into the empty tomb,
No need for that burial perfume.
There ain’t no mystery,
We’re at the tipping point of history.

Love has replaced the Law,
Death has been snatched from Satan’s claw.
May the world be advised,
Both pagan and the baptized,
Yeah, the revolution was not televised.

So let’s leave that hole in the earth,
Time for being born again/ a spiritual rebirth.
Feel the air warmed by the new spring sun,
Rejoice when justice is done.
Breathe in the mercy, grace and goodness,
Kill the life of sin, regret and meanness.

There must be a word to describe this,
This beautiful Sabbath bliss,
Gotta be bigger than a noun that exists.
Must be a verb.
I think I know this divine word.

Allow the new verb enter into our speech,
So let this new conjugation be preached:
I am Eastered.
You are Eastered.
He and She are Eastered.
They are Eastered.
Oh Jesus, we are so Eastered.

So we all agree -
He is risen indeed.
And before we eat the ham,
or for some of us a leg of lamb.
May this prayer be of every feaster:
I am Eastered.
You are Eastered.
He and She are Eastered.
They are Eastered.
Oh Jesus, we are so Eastered.

Thoughts while passing by the cross

(Good Friday meditation)

Weren’t you the guy my kids were telling me about on Sunday?
The roar of the crowd, the singing of the Hosannas,
I bet Moses could of heard it from heaven.

You brought your friend back from the dead,
You fed the multitudes,
healed the sick.

Heard You walked on water, stopped a storm,
and saved a woman from stoning.
A good man who could have been our great leader.

But then You had to tell the Pharisees who You are,
You disrupted their courtyard commerce,
taking away their prestige and
upsetting them by not being their kind of Messiah.

But now where are Your followers?
All I see is one of them,
four women and
me with my Passover lamb.

Do you hear what I hear?

Luke 8:4-8 (Parable of the Soils)

When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear,
let him hear.”


Inside our souls
there are four chambers
where God’s word can reside.

In one part
God expected a praise,
Instead He heard the phrase:
“One of these days,”
or even worse:
“No puedo hablar inglés.”

There is another section
that once had God’s affection.
But now
all He hears about are
issues of fear, gossip and recession.

The third segment
started out like they were glory bound
only to run aground.
They blamed some bad weed
for causing them to not take heed.
O Lord, say a prayer for the pretender,
They couldda been a contender.

The last delegation
follows the Creator’s wishes
without procrastination.
They do not become weary in working out
their salvation,
and the harvest they bring in
is beyond all earthly calculation.